PERSONAL ANXIETY POST - PAST EXPERIENCES - PLAYING FOOTBALL

As most will know I absolutely love football, I love watching football but I love playing football even more!!!!

As a kid I would play football as much as I could, all weekend and after school and if I wasn’t playing I would be watching it.

My anxiety with football started when I joined a football team, I loved training as it was with friends and people I knew.

When it was a match against a different team and people watching I would hate it and go within myself.

I hated when I got the ball as the attention was on me, people expected something of me and incase I did something wrong.
Strangers watching on the side was a quite big trigger for me as well as all the shouting (not it a bad shouting and swearing way) that came with it.

I vividly remember at throw ins when my team had the ball I would stand next to an opponent so I couldn’t be passed the ball.

And although I thought of myself as a striker or midfielder who can score when it came to a match I wouldn’t like scoring because the attention is on me when I’ve scored.

It was especially challenging for me because I loved to score, I love to try skills and take people on and I used to do all of those when in training or playing with friends but on a match day I was completely the opposite.

Later in life different anxieties with playing football started, I was now playing 5aside and although my anxieties around playing strangers and scoring had gone I had two new anxieties which were when I didn’t and the ball I used to feel so so sick because my mind wasn’t completely distracted so I kept having to come off the pitch to settle, it was extremely frustrating and a massive battle.

If I was looking forward to playing football too much I would over work myself and get anxious to the point my breathing would change, I would go light headed, feel sick and dizzy but once out there and playing it would go, the difficult part is dong it to forget about it and having faith it will go.

I can also vividly remember that I was meant to go to play at Doncaster Belles ground and play a team under flood lights but because it was at night I had had too much time to think about it and work myself up so did myself out of going.

The other anxiety was that when I played for a team that had average abilities I was extremely relaxed because I knew I was fairly decent and the pressure wouldn’t be on me and if I mess up however if I played for a team that was good and was expected to win and I was expected to be decent I would struggle, rush, panic and mess up more.

I still to this day love playing and watching football although the playing is very difficult because friends now have extremely busy lives with work and their own families now.
It’s a shame as it used to be fantastic for my mental health and fitness, doing what you love while outside in the fresh air with friends and my mind was completely on football and away from stresses and work.

#AnxietySucks #MentalHealthMatters